Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Yes. Being a lesbian's wingman is a fun as it sounds
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I'd do them all but honestly I'm so high that I probably should have a chaperone.
I can't wait to get home and brush the fuck outta my teeth.
Literally.
I don't know which I need first...a shower or a confessional.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
I miss you and I miss your weed. Come home.
On the brightside we know now that empty pringle cans are accepted at mcdonalds as cups.... Screw people who judged us, we saved a buck
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