At least I can take solace in the fact that with 8 billion some odd people in the world, at least one of them is shitting in their own car right now.
I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
do you think I can still get an erection if I donate blood today? this is important.
I just got back to our room ....neither of us spent the night there but both our beds are occupied. send help.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I just think his face would be more attractiveif it was framed by my thighs
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
