So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
The UPD just told me that he was going to call the cops if i try to run. you owe me 5 dollars, i told u they arn't real cops
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
Randomize
