My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
Drinking with birthday clown in the backyard shed at a 5 year olds birthday party at 12 in the afternoon. My life doesn't need any adjustments
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
Call me and get me out of this conversation NOW. My coworker is talking to me about her birds having sex again...
Just realized I've gone to court three different times with papers and a joint roller in my briefcase. #lawyeroftheyear
It's like everything I need in life within a five block radius: booze, toilets, dogs, dicks.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
You had sex with a guy who has a purple beard last night. No Molly for a while, ok?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I was just at Kroger and saw some guy with a steelers balloon... ran up to him and popped it. NO RAGRETS.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
