cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
Small penises have feelings too.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
Well technically because of daylight savings, I only lasted 15 mintues.
I was so drunk. I apparently did a flip over the balcony using it as monkey bars. Ya I hurt a bit today
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
She is the Michael Jordan of blowjobs. Unfortunately, her baby sister is the Michael Jordan of baseball of blowjobs. It does not run in the family.
Too much dab too little lung dying šµšµšµ
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
As long as it's more "this is where i see an issue" vs "psst.... tiddies" then i have no argument
Randomize
