TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she said "feliz nobby job" then proceeded to give me a blowjob.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I left the brick of cheese in your car! Keep it at Moderate Temp! It's my precious!
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
