Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
come over anyways, right now, right this second
it can be a super quick quicky, then you can go back to studying
wow, that sounds SO fun, please stop enticing me with premature ejaculation
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
She just asked me if her C-section scar turned me on.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
She said she couldn't find my penis because my arm was in the way. That was my penis
Every man deserves at least one moment like that
im not sure. I kicked him in the ear last night trying to kick a plastic cup off his head to prove I can kick higher than anyone.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I never knew it was coming. He was cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, cute and nerdy, and then BAM! Best hookup ever.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Also I've decided to start stealing shot glasses after I do the shots. You in?
Randomize
