i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
You deserve yourself a blunt and a build a bear.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
I'm sad your dog died... Her name is my stripper name.
She was either really drunk or really not interested. Everytime I tried to ask her about herself she would respond with a line from Stepbrothers.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
She told me she loves wine, but hates the mud butt the next day. Dude, way to much info on a second date.
anything below 65° is too cold to be naked on a roof
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