You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
its always fun the next morning to look around the room and see where all the clothing landed.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Your boyfriend and I are bonding over your giant dick.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
We just finished having sex and as soon as we get out of bed he yells "trust fall" and runs me over
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
Its really hard to take a shit when the dog wont stop trying to crawl into your lap
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
