don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
Just got cockblocked by my GF's wedding shower... That's a first. And I have to buy a gift.
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
Props to you. You took the bet seriously. Making out with her for an hour right after she spewed
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
And then I went through the chix filet drive through for breakfast in all my republican post sex glory
You got your ass kicked outside KFC on Tuesday
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
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