then she said "on the count of three I think we should apologize to eachother"
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Sorry i'm not sorry i made out with your dad. It was father's day weekend, get a grip
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
classified somewhere between kinky and medically inadvisable
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
Randomize
