So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
God you better not be texting me after just having sex with someone from craigslist
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
Before I roll over explain to me why you're naked and on my floor.
Time for jim to play the "dont seriously consider pooping in the trash" game
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He called me piss drunk at 7:30pm while cooking bacon and said he was going to bed. I don't think he's taking it well.
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
If you had amazing eyebrows i'd have sex with them.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
