Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I mean, it's just pathetic when the standard is tinder and he can't live up to it.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
I think that maybe Alyssa may of had too much to drink. is it normal for her to straddle random people in quizno's?
Y’all did coke off my Puff The Magic Dragon plate.😂
You're going to literally shit your fucking unholy pants when Jesus rides in with his dual light-sabers on his velociraptor and cleaves you in half.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Randomize
