i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I know its small, but please -- stop calling it my "weenis".
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
He just turned on a sound machine. I need to get the fuck out of here.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
She fell asleep on the sidewalk and people starting using her as a hurdle
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
Unintentional and slightly frustrating adventures are basically all I'm good for. Expect heart palpitations, cheap food, and homeless men serenading us.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
someone at the bars was yelling at the bouncer to let him in because he "just passed through the 7 levels of the candy cane forrest" soulmate?
go meet him and give him your number.
Randomize
