I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
You nicknamed her "lazy eye" and were screaming across the bar at her to buy you a drink...
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
I told my dad my stomach hurt and he bet me ten bucks I couldn't throw up on command. He has no idea what I did last night and I got ten bucks.
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
had a dream you helped me fill my shoes with yogurt. we were even like "why didn't we think of this before?!" like it was just so obvious
that sounds like something we'd do... we're onto something here
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
Randomize
