I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
I hope my shame shaped pee stain outside your door goes away soon.
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
I only drink at bars with bathrooms big enough to have sex in.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize
