I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
Wow, you were right... Weed does start conversations
i can now get sex on a playground off my list of things to do in life.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Woke up with string cheese braided into my hair- literally braided
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
oh. oh my god. i just had lunch with my mom with semen still on my face.
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Pretty sure I'm partying in a onesie right now.
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
Randomize
