Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Yeah well my vagina has expectations too but they don't get met all the time.
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
One. But meh. I upped my age limit to like 29 hoping I'll match with this one fedex guy that delivers packages to my work
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Do you know anything about how the saran wrap ended up on my toilet seat?
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
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