New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
He sat on a barstool and did the robot for 3 hours - I'm pretty sure he enjoyed himself.
The plants looked thirsty. Growing plants need mimosas too.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I woke up and found a stick of butter in my pocket. There's no butter in the house so I don't know who's it is. Using it to make cookies.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
sweet sixteen by hillary duff just came on and i feel like i let lizzie mcguire down for being such a stoner
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
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