He came on my face and tried to draw out a smiley face because he said I looked like I had a bad day
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
He brought a girl home so fat he called me before they got home to unlock the right side of the French doors
Fuck he won the bet
This is the third time that ive slept with him. He bought me more milk. I can feel the romance growing.
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He left in the middle of the night, he left his shoes behind and stole my doc martens..size 6 female. Wtf?
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
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