If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
When I asked if she spit or swallow she replied "I never learned how to spit"
My professor is talking about sperm and all I can think about is my mouth
i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
I just remember standing in the shower with you eating chips.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
She fell out the car soaking wet and screaming "im wearing a fedora!" then tryed to seduce him on the front lawn in front of his middle aged neighbor
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
Randomize
