Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(317): View more from Indiana

my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive

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(512): View more from Texas

there is a baby dancing on the table amidst the smoke of multiple cigarettes. i want to trade lives with that baby.

Fav 12 1595 5019
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(714): View more from California

if that's jizz on my steering wheel i'm gonna be pissed...and impressed.

Fav 3 3271 1243
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(905): View more from Ontario

Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.

Fav 8 3733 1190
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(727): View more from Florida

let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.

Fav 5 2007 890
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(214): View more from Texas

The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.

Fav 1 2313 1053
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(989): View more from Michigan

From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry

Fav 4 1921 1247
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(937): View more from Ohio

I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver

Fav 2 505 564
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.

Fav 0 81 41
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