my professor just told me i smelt like a brewery infront of my whole class b4 my final presentation
I don't know what you were told but i for sure didn't sleep with any one but steve's couch.
Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
you lied vaginas dont taste like gold fish!
noo i said youre golden if her vagina tastes like fish!
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I just don't understand how a line to ride a camel on a college campus could be too long for you to wait in.
He could have been a one armed faceless howler monkey. I was so slammered that I didn't care what I was having sex with or if whatever it was... was doing it right.
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
Randomize
