Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
Went to gas station for smokes. three cops pulled in. got gas i didn't need. found diff gas station.
good choice.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
it's business casual sex. like no kissing, shake hands after, occasional frequency
not my fault. i got her to believe he wrote an oasis song. he still managed to find a way to make sure no girl ever gets near his penis.
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
She is watching her grandpa for the day and the dude just whipped it out and started jerking off while watching the View.
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize
