We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
Maybe you should start carrying pepper spray. You are like the Justin Bieber of lesbians.
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
At the bar in my pajamas again
Ummm that is the 3rd time this week and it is Wednesday
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
hey man , the girl you brought home last night is in the kitchen puking in the sink and asking if she can have more shots of Whiskey....think i should give her a shot glass or send her home....
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
