I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
The only problem is i have violated all potential new years resolutions at the new years party.
I didnt realize til after I got out of her apartment and into the lobby that we lived in the same building.
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
we tried to pick out bridesmaid dresses with pockets so we could sneak flasks in with us. what the fuck is the point of a dry wedding?
Nice. Don't spend your therapist's co-pay on Jaeger bombs.
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
I was thinking about getting her an edible arrangement for an engagement gift. You want in?
I'm buying her a drink and not telling her to dump his ass. that's my gift.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
Though I don't usually want to turn down ladies who want to liquify my clothing with their eyes, I made an exception.
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
Randomize
