Honestly there's alot of things I'm confused about the only thing I know for certain about last night is that I ate pizza
I told her for every minute she spent down there, I would donate a dollar to the Haiti relief fund... totally worked
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
I feel like none of my dresses scream slut the way I'd like them to
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
... why is there a bottle of pee on my headboard?
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
I would love a rich wife. Then I would be like a gym teacher or some shit. Bigfoot hunter maybe.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
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