There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
once my pubes got caught on her snaggletooth it was all downhill from there
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Sorry I had passed out by this time I think, with the chicken fingers ON my face in my bed, with all the lights on, and ketchup all over.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
Man, jail baloney is awful.
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
Someone with the Instagram name "hymenbreaker" just liked a photo of me and my grandma. I feel ashamed.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
I quit life. I got pulled over on my way to work and they towed my car and dropped me off at work in a cop car
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
