He just left - my room smells like that cheese they put on nachos and cigarettes and beef
Yo quero taco bell
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Fyi when u order four mini bottles of scotch on a 45 min flight. The flight attendants jaw drops to the floor.
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
I stuck a note to his door with my gum explaining why i couldn't spend the night. as i was walking away, he opened the door...i fell down and played dead. deffinitly didn't see me.
Nope. Daytime is texting time. Night time is you send me naked pictures time.
Pot head idea of the day: make a maraca out of weed seeds. Or a rain stick? Definitely rain stick.
i didnt have any regrets until i found out he was a freshman.... and the only reason he got into yale was because of soccer... and he wasnt premed.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
You always seem to be able to bribe me with tequila and Mac and cheese. This relationship of ours will cause me health problems someday.
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
never let me tell the bartender to cut me off, i basically told on myself
Been smoking since 4. The inevitable finally happened: I bought a cheesecake.
Randomize
