I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
we can't get the sharpie off the toilet seat from where you pressed your forearm with THUG LIFE written on it while you puked until 3 last night
woke up to see a man wearing a sailor hat and covered in vomit sneaking out the door. Epic night indeed.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
I don't know, all I remember is waking up at 4 in the morning to him going down on me.
Randomize
