I was like, "um, that's my butthole."
turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
i just realized the only form of arm exercise i get is holding my arms up in the stand up tanning booth
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
And noooow we're smoking a ton of REALLY strong weed and THIS IS THE SOFTEST CAT EVER
you were holding her above your head singing Circle of Life in what i assume was a Simba reference. then she smacked her head on a bar light and the bouncers kicked you out
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Randomize
