I like my sex mixed with concussions.
If my vag had twitter, what do you think it would say?
Best part is I totaly had to get into my dads car like I didn't have my pants off two minutes ago.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
Just thought i should tell someone im on the roof, if i pass out up here because no one found me, im behind the chimney
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
The streets are paved with hand jobs
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