The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
My neighbor just watched me eat a granola bar without pants, this is a whole new level of unemployed
someone who i have in my phone as thundercock just said he was DTF
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My roommate made maccoroni last nigh dropped the bowl off the counter knocking it into the dog bowl he picked up the dog bowl and started eating it claiming it was te worst Mac and cheese ever and if he wasnt so high he would stop eating it hahahaha
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