I was looking through my facebook friends list to see how many ppl on the list i've hooked up with, and was effectively reminded of my failed friendships, relationships, fuck budy-ships, friends with benefits, and "i cant remember if i ever did shit with him but we're awkward now" ships.
it's gonna be a chat room kind of night
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
She had one drink in her cleavage and another in her hand. She kept rotating between the two by leaning backward and then sipping the one in her hand.
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
You sat on my knee, like Santa, while I peed.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
