omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
i wish the dell website had a "did you drink an entire bottle of rum and stepped on your laptop which shattered the screen this weekend and would like to know how to fix it without your parents finding out FAST?" link on their homepage.. i can't be the only one
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
I think for all the guys in my phone, I'm going to change their pictures to pics of their dicks. It's easier to identify them that way.
This football player keeps talking about his drunk dad. I think he may start crying. Does this deserve a roll tide?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
I crawled to the bathroom this morning there were cornpops scattered on the floor? What was I doing last night?
its like probably shouldnt be sending pics of your asshole to strangers who work in the same building as you
Randomize
