I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
you thought your balls were fighting each other...
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
And then the lady sheeps would bring me the finest grass to eat cuz im the sheep king and id have sexy smooth sheep fur
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
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