This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
Just saw my neighbor passed out in his front yard, leg stretching into the road. Full beer in his hand.
all we did was drink wine and talk about how people who dont have facebook dont exist.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
Dad's drunk, trying to hook me up with a 43yo, and keeps saying one and done. Mom is on the verge of tears and disowning us. You missed a good birthday dinner.
Just found out I called my mom at six in the morning to ask where the bong was. I win.
Something about getting whistled at in my work clothes while crossing the street with three Nuvarings in my back pocket feels wrong.
They want yo temporarily sterile ass.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
Should we make a shared Google doc list of places we want to fuck? Like a scavenger hunt?
Randomize
