Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
You know I'm really starting to enjoy being everyones first gay experience
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
We all have a cross to bear. Yours just happens to be attracting gay men.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
Tell him I'm the girl who was excited he spoke English. Then ask him where he picked me up from.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
If, when you wake up, you're wondering why you're in the bathtub, it's because when I tried to move you, you yelled that that was cheating and tried to kick me in the face.
Fair enough.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
