Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
Don't be a smartass. I'm trying to fuck a guy who's sober. It's more difficult than you think.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
It's like past high you was looking out for future high you by rolling that joint and leaving it in your coat pocket. What a Halloween miracle
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
We need a shit load of segways right now
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
Randomize
