the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Eventually evolution will just give us a better liver anyway, so our great great grandkids should THANK us for our binge drinking.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Girl passed out in class and vomited. Another victim of syllabus week
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
Survival tip #3: while you're hooking up with him, don't say he reminds you of his brother
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
She wants to go as a facebook "like" for halloween, but right now her costume looks more like the hamburger helper hand with broken fingers.
She needs more friends. Or a second therapist.
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
I mean, unless you wanna just let me lie there while you fuck me and pour water into my mouth
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
Randomize
