I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am drinking ovaltine with peppermint schnapps. My childhood could have been so much better.
i only understood the part that said mucho orgasmos
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I cannot start working out. If I start to look better, I'll ruin ugly women's chances forever. So, really...I'm doing them a favor...think about it.
How did the date go? No fake eyeballs this time?
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
I'm sorry that you wanted to get laid and I all I did was play with your new cat instead.
I don't know, we got really drunk and I slapped her with an ear of corn.
Randomize
