Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
I tried to convince the Lobo Card people to take my pic with my sunglasses on because I will probably always be this hungover.
Realistically anyone can come I don't care it's Boston what do I own boston? No. I just don't want people who are gonna give me "why are you doing that" kinda look when I take birthday shots out of my birthday babe shot glass necklace.
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
I'm 50% sure my cousin put weed in these deviled eggs.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
When breakfast is a rum &coke at the office Christmas party you know it's gonna be a good day
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
My diet fell off the wagon when I began texting the pizza delivery guy my location on frat row.
Anything special planned for Valentines Day?
Does testing the strength of my coworker’s marriage count?
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