i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
well the hot one passed out so thats that, but then the fat one made chicken nuggets....totally worth it
You convinced me that eggnog and rum is a great moisturizer.
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
I'm totes in the mood to go home and like blindly inhale dangerous amounts of porn
Randomize