My dad just drunkly made a toast in front of my entire extended family "to my daughter the recent and sucessful college and to my son the drunken whore-monger"
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
Her brother walked in on her giving me a bj and just laughed. I got a highfive before I left.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
Gold rum. Strong marijuana. Jabba the Hut in stilettos. Deep thigh bruise. Yes, thal all happened. Sorry dude.
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
If it wasn't for the fact that I drink during my lunch break I'm pretty sure I would have quit this job by now
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
if you're not jumping for joy when you see penis then you're looking at the wrong ones.
He sent me off with a naked dance ending in a meat swing. I don't think I'll be seeing him again.
Randomize
