Dude she looked like Jerry Garcia's knuckles
ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I seriously need 2 stop fake jacking off in peoples faces at work...the I.T. Guy just showed me the security surveillance tapes.
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
thanks for at least making it out of the pool before you threw up
I just found a video of you asking to be a whale with me.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
did you just say you're too stoned to fool around? okay we're over.
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I have already put on my inside pants.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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