How do i ask the guy i made out with for 4 hours if he is gay? He keeps telling me i'm so adorable and that he had a ''blasty''
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
she just put all the cheese in the refrig to sleep.. and yes we did finish you bottle.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
It was mandatory to shotgun a beer before we were allowed to eat dinner
Jail wasn't bad. Was poppin Xanax the whole way there
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
All I know is when I asked you how many fingers I was holding up, you said "Hippo"
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
Randomize
