Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
So if a 2 is a 10 on the road... do we consider college to be "on the road?" help. its urgent.
A 40 year old man just put his hands on my thighs and said in these exact words "you're so beautiful and gorgeous and innocent. But life sucks and you'll probably turn into a whore."
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
Saw a dude last night at a strip club's bar eating canned pineapple and giving tootsie pops to the girls...
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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