Don't you think facebook is a bit pretentious, suggesting friends and all? No facebook, I would NOT like to be friends with a girl whose fiancee I have slept with.
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
He has crabs, not bed bugs. I recommend incoporating a clinic on this mornings walk of shame route.
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
He just took a bite of each taco bell burrito and hid them throughout my apartment. this was 2 weeks ago and have found 30 burritos so far
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
I peed sitting down because I knew standing was a lost cause
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
Watch out for the bush at the end of your steps. it comes out of nowhere
Randomize
