I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
am i the only one who has tried sucking their own cock????
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Someone broke into my car last night. Didn't take anything, even left the beer in my backseat. They need to get their priorities straight, obviously.
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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