i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
I introduced him to the male G-Spot. Don't ever tell me I'm not experienced.
Your one and only job is to make sure I am on that bus tomorrow morning with no cat makeup on my face
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Ja rule starts his prison sentence today #3475th reason we should drink tonight
Nope she woke up in a hotel room alone on 55th street. A guy in a lamborgini gave her a ride this morning. She was walking barefoot home
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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