it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just want you to know that i just realized your the only friend i dont feel fat around.
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
So what happened? Or does sex + ramen pretty much cover it?
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
Baruch atah adonai DAT ASS DOE
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
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