farters have to be the big spoon...
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
How much do you charge for your Funyun and beer delivery service?
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
YOLO is a great motto until you end up with Chlamydia
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