She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
I woke up to an email from Groupon for 3 laser lipo treatments...on Valentine's Day...way to kick me when I'm down Groupon.
I can always make him wear a mask... I'll tell him it's a fetish.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I was told my cock was a religious experience.
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Overall a good night - broke my toe giving that cop a blowjob though...so there's that...
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
