if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
Question: terrible or awesome when a girl give you head so vigorously that you get a hickey of sorts
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Turns out the owner of the bar that I fucked used to be on Boy Meets World, but now he's old and bald. So there's that..
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
Randomize
