and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
I think I'd do Clint Eastwood.
...kinda gettin a major gay vibe from you right now.
That was a text you sent me last night.
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
We got the DJ into it too! "If there are any dudes into other dudes out there, my man mark is looking to get pounded. Buy him a drink stat!"
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
Banged a girl last night wearing nothing but my Team USA Olympic jersey. I think it's safe to say that nut was for America.
I had to cum in my sink.
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
