All time low... just gave a strip tease to the theme song from Law&Order SVU.
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Update is I am officially king of Gettysburg. Tam and I are being threaded like royakt. In bought e ruined a drink
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
You tried to lick the lightbulb and fell off of the chair onto my wife and gave her a concussion. Did i mention you were naked?
I'm at her wedding and she managed to get every single one night stand I ever had in her wedding party. Why does she hate me?
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
suburban family judging/laughing at us after Jenna just pulled two flasks out of her boot on the subway
We found him. He just came running out of the closet with a bruise on his face saying he has been fighting elves in Narnia for a year.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
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