Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Two girls down stairs, two girls up stairs and....
We've got ourselves a situation
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
Just getting in the shower.... found a "great job" sticker stuck to my boob.
So how was your night?
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Is it inappropriate to send a happy 3-year anniversary of having a threesome with you and your ex girlfriend on easter text?
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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