I just got hit by a car and apologized to the driver. I asked him if he was okay.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
I have acquired 14 pictures of hard dicks tonight... I was on a mission. Don't even pretend you aren't proud.
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
You know you need to get it together when a frat guy wakes you up and says you need to go to class
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
If my plane goes down do me a favor. Break into my house and get the batman costume and swing out of my bedroom.
Randomize
