so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
I have a question, if it paid really well, like ridiculously well, would you be a restaraunts under the table resident blowjob girl?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
It was extremely weird and uncomfortable mid blow job she looks up and says " tell me Simon Cowell makes your dick hard"
He doesn't like Sabbath and that alone is a GIANT red flag. Learn from my experiences and never, I mean NEVER associate with people that hate Black Sabbath and Motörhead.
I can't say too many people would say watching their drunk best friends fuck in a hot tub is very normal.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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