the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
There's someone howling in the parking lot. Haha.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
