do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Well I didn't know she was a dominatrix...so I kind of just went with it
There's a fine line between kinky and serial killer
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
I honestly have no desire to wear clothes around you
I have that affect on people
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
Good morning beautiful! Wanna steal a cat this weekend?
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