i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Exactly how deep of a burn should you have when you pee before becoming legitimately concerned?
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
No, she passed out instead. I have the worst luck, its like Jesus is mad at me for having the same birthday as him
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
So looks like I applied to adopt a dog last night. I'm completely ok with this
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Question #1: Why am I on my living room floor? Question #2: Where did the bloody footprints come from? Question #3: Why are there two McChickens next to the wine bottle?
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