We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
its 4am and she invited me over to split a 'romantic bowl of frosted flakes'...really dude?...what do you think she's trying to say?...she better not be kidding about the frosted flakes though.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
this is getting really bad. i thought the chandelier in the dining room was one of those claws from the claw games in an arcade and i spent the past five minutes jumping left to right so the claw wouldn't grab me
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
You'd love her. She's outspoken like us. And appreciates a big penis and a strong drink.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
somehow a ride to walgreens turned into a threesome.
I had a threesome last night with my fiance' and our soon to be best man. Everyone is surprisingly chill about it this morning. Is this any indication of what the wedding night will be like?
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