Jason just peed on the potty all by himself!!
"omg awesome!, you do realize we aren't together anymore"
It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
ACTUALLY FUNNIEST MOMENT OF THE NIGHT WAS WHEN YOU WERE TALKING TO HIM AND YOU SAID "WHEN YOU MEET ME IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE A LOT ANGRIER." And then he said "WHEN I MEET YOU IN REAL LIFE I WILL BE LESS DRUNK, HOPEFULLY."
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
I snuck out three pillows from the hotel i was rolling so hard. They are like little clouds. I regret nothing.
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
WHY are you masturbating to hockey fights?
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