yo im tryna cop a beej tonight
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
I need some transition time from spring break.. can we day drink between classes this week?
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
MOMMMMMMMMMMAYYY! YOU BIRFED ME TODAYY. IM CELEBRTIN ON YUR BEHAF! THANK YOU!!!!!
I always hoped you would never inherit this side of my personality. Hon, trust me, you're a mess. Go to bed...alone. xoxoxo
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
Was just told that I slept on the counter using a loaf of bread as a pillow. Clearly my life is going well.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
