Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
On the train at 650am after a night of clubbing and running away from a new zealander who was buying us beers but also licking windows
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Randomize
