what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
It could have went better. They kicked us out of the casino and I drunkenly whipped her across the face with a fishing pole. Long story.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
a day off where I don’t get laid would be worthless
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
