He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
If I can't pick up a cat lady, I probably need to turn to Internet dating.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
I love you. We're gonna celebrate your 21st by putting people in duct tape bikinis and pushing them down tequila slip and slides
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
sorry for the random call. He stopped mid-sex because he wanted confirmation that I was really a reverend.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
Ya apperently its not "appropriate" to fuck in the school auditorium
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Also, do you have any insight as to WHY I have a note saved from the 17th of June that reads *clears throat*, "you got that swanky blues libido"
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
Randomize
