my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
Update. It gets worse. A) he's done viagra and B) he wears socks at all times.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
You know where a good place to spend summer is? In your head. High as shit. It doesn't matter where you are.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
My bad man. I was at a strip club, and apparently it's like a big deal to take your phone out in one of those places.
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
My uber driver just told me I smell like fun...still drunk at 7 am
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
I don't want to be drunk any more. Can you hit the off switch?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
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