Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
"fuck a duck" is spelled out in chinese food on my counter... im kind of nervous to search the rest of my house......
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
wait one more day. tuesday is my official "i hit on you and/or we hooked up this weekend" friend request day.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
You are not about to raise that baby deer, you can BARELY raise yourself... Return it to it's mom now.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
Apparently I got mad at you for "Not drinking with me till we thought we were seahorses" and smashed my face on your door. Then I put my feet in the oven and started crying because I was drinking alcohol from a pot. My life is spinning out of control.
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
High me is so sweet. She left not-high me a fortune from a fortune cookie and 6 packets of soy sauce in my tampon drawer.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
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